Showing posts with label rude behavior.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rude behavior.. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Sidewalk Etiquette



Today, I want to take a moment to talk about sidewalks. Yes, sidewalks. Most of (dare I say all of) us are are familiar with those lovely little [most often] concrete pathways we traverse with our feet that separate us from the danger of moving vehicles and large piles of dog crap often piled in the grass that often lines the space between curb and sidewalk.  

Most communities have some sort of sidewalk in place, and it's what most of us learned to ride a bike on, lest we fall over directly into oncoming traffic--save a few communities (like the one I grew up in, the lack of sidewalks always baffled me; still does to this day).

A bit of history about the sidewalk: it existed in ancient times! In fact, Romans were essentially sidewalk connoisseurs.  During the middle ages, they disappeared for awhile, but by the 18th century they made a comeback, and by the 19th century, they were in widespread use again, and have remained that way ever since. 

So, how is it that we are here in the 21st century, and there are some people that still don't know how to use sidewalks?  It's not just sidewalks in the suburbs that people have issues with--it's walkways in general.

The other day, I was walking my dog on the small sidewalk outside of our apartment, when I happened upon two people who were making their way down to the Chipotle at the end of the block (yes, we live down the street from Chipotle, and yes, it is as amazing as it sounds). Anyway, I watched these two people approaching, walking directly next to each other, as people are apt to do when they're going anywhere together.  

A bit about the sidewalk in front of our place: It is, indeed, small. In fact, it is comprised of two large-ish squares of concrete next to each other and that's pretty much it.  On either side, there is grass. Grass between the curb and the sidewalk, and grass that is classified as someone's lawn.

So, as I am walking along the sidewalk, I see these people approaching and I think 'they'll move out of the way.' After all, Cash and I were taking up one square as we were walking, and they were taking up two squares.  They had to move, right? It's common courtesy to use sidewalks in the same way you use a street when you're driving--one side of the sidewalk is for people going one way, the other side is for people going the other way.  Apparently, that was not what these two individuals--a male and a female--were taught about sidewalks.  They were taught that you can basically take up the entire thing and it's totally fine as long as you have an inflated sense of self or something.  Because they did not move.

No, instead, Cash and I were essentially forced on to the small grassy knoll in between the curb and the sidewalk. Cash was fine with it, he enjoys that spot, particularly the smells.  I, however, was not fine with it--and I sat there for a moment in disbelief, silently fuming, until I called over my shoulder "The sidewalk's a two-way street, you know." I didn't look to see if they heard me.  They probably didn't.

And, I know, the sidewalk is not technically a two-way street, but it is a two-way...sidewalk.  Just because you want to walk next to your partner, that doesn't mean that someone else should be thoroughly inconvenienced.  At least, it shouldn't mean that.

And it's not just sidewalks--people have this crazy notion that they can basically walk next to each other no matter what the circumstance, and you should be the one to get out of their way. I was at Disneyland, walking around Downtown Disney, when this happened to me.  There were a group of about four teenagers (17-ish? I'm bad at that game) walking side by side, coming at me, and the only way for me to get past them was to essentially throw myself into a small planter.  Which I guess is what they expected, or at least the girl on the end did--because she wasn't about to move.  Finally, at the last minute, she slightly moved, causing our shoulders to brush up against one another.

In the past, I have always been the one to get out of the way--the one to step up on to the grass, or completely stop walking to let others pass.  But, you know, it gets kind of tiresome--it gets kind of annoying realizing that most everyone else is less courteous than you are.  So. I've decided.

I'm not going do it anymore.  I think this connects to my last post--my moving out of the way of any and every person is the body language equivalent of saying 'I'm sorry' for my presence.  I'm not sorry for my presence. I exist, and I am just as worthy of a space on the sidewalk as you are, O Rude One.

Of course, there will be times I will move--for Children with parents, for the elderly, when I am the one in the large group taking up space.  But, for the most part, I will stand my ground.  I will be courteous to others, but I will assert my right to take up the [very little, actually] space that I occupy on this planet.

Prepare yourself, ye who don't know how to use sidewalks and walkways, for many shoulder checks from this little part of the planet.

Friday, December 13, 2013

My Blog is Better Than Yours

What is with this [seemingly] new trend on social media with everyone claiming that they have the BEST of something?

It can be anything--  
"I have the BEST iPad case!"  
"I have the BEST coffee mug!"
"I have the BEST job!"
"I have the BEST fruit stand by my work!"

But, it's often people--
"I have the BEST friend!"
"I have the BEST dog/cat/rat/turtle!"
"I have the BEST husband!"
"I have the BEST mom!"
"I have the BEST dad!"

And so on, and on, and on, and on.  I've been seeing this a LOT lately... and the former stuff (worldly possessions, etc.) just makes me roll my eyes.  Although, honestly, I'm pretty sure that you do not have the BEST job because I saw this guy, and he creates ice cream flavors for Ben & Jerry's.  Like, that's his job-- so I'm pretty sure HIS is the best, but whatever.  You're happy, and you love your job, that's so great!

It's the second category that really, really irks me.  Chances are, if your parents were around, weren't abusive, and were generally good to you, and you have a good relationship with them, you think that they're the best parents ever.  Same with husbands, wives, friends, pets, etc.  We probably all think this (or, at least, we should).  I do, too.  

But, there's a difference between thinking it, or even telling the people you love that they are the BEST x, y, or z, and using it as a form of leverage or bragging to your friends.  From the time I was little, I've told my mom she was the best mommy in the entire world.  There was a point in my life where I said it to her every single night before I went to bed. But, I didn't go to school and tell all my friends, "Guys, I have the BEST mom in the whole world!" which is what people are doing on social media these days.

And there's a reason I never did that-- why I haven't done that, not in those words, and it is this:  By saying you have best mom in the entire world, you're saying that your mom is better than everyone else's-- better than mine, better than your boyfriend's, better than EVERYONE'S MOTHER.  By saying you have the best husband in the world, you're saying he is better than EVERY OTHER HUSBAND in the entire world-- including your own father (who I know, I know, is better than mine, you posted about it last week).

Which brings me to the actual heart of this blog.  I suppose the whole 'best' thing can be overlooked-- people are excited about each other, that's fabulous.  The following, however, cannot be overlooked.  It's the "my ____ is better/hotter/cuter/sweeter/more amazing than yours!"  To which I reply a resounding "REALLY?!??!?"

Sometimes, there's a reason the poster needs to tell me that whatever he/she has is better than what I have.
"My mom is better than yours because _______"
"My mom is cooler than yours because _______"

Sometimes, they're just stating it as a fact.
"My dad is better than yours."
"My best friend is better than yours."
"My mom is better than yours."

Yeah, well, my manners are better than yours.

No, but really, WHAT IS THIS?  Seriously? This trend really gets to me.  Why do we need the people in our lives to be BETTER than the people in everyone else's?  Why can't we just be thankful that we have a wonderful brother, sister, mother, father, husband, wife, friend, niece, nephew?  Why are we comparing ourselves (in a way that is unkind, by the way) to everyone else like this, and making sure that they know 'Hey, mine is better!'?  (Worldly possessions I could take, but people? That's just crossing the proverbial line).

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive-- okay, I know I am, but it upsets me when people do this, and I have some pretty wonderful people in my life.  So, I can't even begin to imagine how people who do not have these things might feel when they read this.  It basically just rubs everyone else's face in it (particularly those who do not have a wonderful mother, father, etc. present in their lives).  

Is this just an American thing?  Is it related to the ways in which society tells us time and time again that we must compete with each other for the best job, car, house, spouse, kid, boat, etc.?  I'm not sure, because pretty much all of my friends on Facebook are American, and people on Twitter (at least those with whom I associate) don't use Twitter for these sorts of things, so I have no idea if this phenomenon is strictly American, or if other nationalities engage in the age-old "My X is better than yours." And, it doesn't really matter (I know what you're thinking: My country is better than yours!... yeah, yeah, move along...)

Whatever it is, this really upsets me, and on more than one occasion I've had to restrain myself from saying something rude to the poster.  It's this inherent sense of defensiveness I feel for those I love-- especially my parents.  Now, I've started saying something like "I'm glad you got the best dad for you!"  And I am, I'm really glad you have this amazing paternal presence in your life-- that's amazing for you!  But, you don't need to go around telling everyone that your paternal presence is better than theirs-- he may be, but that's not really the point.  The point is: you're being a jerk.  And you should stop.

So, what to say, instead?  I've started saying things like "I couldn't ask for a better mom," or "If I could choose, I'd choose her." [when speaking about my amazing mother].  This way, the sentiment gets across: I love my mom, and she's absolutely fabulous, but I also respect that you probably feel the same about your mother.

And if this is a problem, I am glad it is this problem-- I am glad that people are rejoicing about the wonderful things and people they have in their lives.  I just wish they would rejoice differently.  More respectfully.  Because things that are said off-the-cuff can cause pain, or anger, or hurt, or jealousy--and why would you want to use your joys for that?

And, you may be right, person on Facebook who said "My life is better than yours" to all of your 800 friends-- you may be right!  Your life may be 1,000 times better than mine, or 10,000 times better than mine!  Or, maybe mine is better than yours by that much, or only 5 times-- the point is: we don't know.  We cannot sit here and measure this stuff.  It's the only stuff in life, it seems, we CAN'T measure.  It is literally unquantifiable--so, why try?  We can measure salaries, and the equity in a house or a car or a boat, but we can't measure whose life, family, and friendships are better... it's impossible.  And, rather than trying, don't you think we should just all be grateful?

I'm grateful for my amazing family, dog, boyfriend, friends--even YOU, o boastful one--and I'm grateful that you're thankful for things in your life, too.  But stop trying to rub it in my face, it takes some of the value and beauty away.